


Sitting, Waiting, Wishing

by SOFreddie



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Depression, Drinking, Drug Abuse, Implied/Referenced Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-27
Updated: 2018-10-27
Packaged: 2019-08-08 03:56:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16421957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SOFreddie/pseuds/SOFreddie
Summary: Y/N reminisces on her lost relationship with Dean.





	Sitting, Waiting, Wishing

**Author's Note:**

> My challenge piece for @impala-dreamer’s Titles Are Hard Challenge. I selected Sitting, Waiting, Wishing. It immediately sprung out at me, because…reasons. I decided to let the title, and not the song, inspire me for this. I’m so sorry.

It was a cold and gray day. Fall was changing into winter and an arctic front caused unseasonably cold weather to creep in. Y/N sat in her favorite chair, staring off at nothing, various papers, items, and tokens scattered over her lap and the table beside her. She smirked to herself, seemingly at nothing, as she lazily reached for her tall glass on the table. Taking a long gulp, she winced at the burn, before taking another.

She picked up a photo and gazed at it, looking over every detail of her and the man stood behind her with his arms wrapped securely around her middle.  _Dean_. She shuddered at the mere thought of his name, sniffling to fight off the tears stinging at the back of her eyes before finishing the contents of her glass. She rose, on unsteady feet, and wobbled towards the kitchen, refilling her glass with the alcohol that was numbing her.

She leaned against the kitchen counter, eyes closed, as she thought about Dean. Six months ago, he decided to end their years-long relationship, seemingly on a whim. As she tried to fight and argue, he spat words at her that she never imagined she’d hear…not from him.

_“Y/N, just stop. It’s over!” Dean shouted, anger radiating off of him._

_“B-but…why? What did I do?” Y/N begged and pleaded._

_“You didn’t do anything. It’s me, ok?” He said, softer than before. She could see guilt eating at him, as much as he tried to act like it didn’t bother him._

_“Don’t give me that!” She spat at him harshly, blinded by the tears steadily streaming down her face._

_“I don’t love you anymore, ok! I don’t think I have for a long time.”_

_Y/N shrunk away in surprise and hurt. She tried to gather her strength, to talk to him, plead with him to come to his senses. But Dean ran off, leaving her a quivering mess._

A few stray tears fell from her eyes and she wiped them away quickly before topping off her glass. She sat back in her chair, placing the glass on the table. She reached for the hydrocodone beside her, opening the bottle and emptying it into her hands. Only eight large pills remained, the other twenty-two having been consumed periodically over the last two hours, along with a liter of vodka. She shrugged and sniffed, taking all eight and chasing them with her vodka. Again, wincing at the burn.

She waited. For six long months, she tried to be patient. She tried to be calm, to be what he needed. She tried to give him space and act like all was well. But in the end, he had moved on. Her heart couldn’t comprehend the ending of something that was forever only a few months before. Over and over again, she went through her mind of what could have happened.  _What did she do? Why?_

She couldn’t do it any longer. She couldn’t sit and wait for him, wishing for things to go back to the way they were. She couldn’t live with the pain any longer. So she wouldn’t. She felt herself growing tired, her body weak, her heart pumping slow but hard. She carried herself to bed, finding her way only by familiarity. As she lay in bed, she found it harder to breathe. She closed her eyes as tears streamed from the corners, a small smile tugging at the corner of her mouth. She wouldn’t wait anymore.


End file.
